That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
