Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
