dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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