playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
