I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
