Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
