we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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