was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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