So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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