I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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