Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
