I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
