Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
