so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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