you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
