a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
