I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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