'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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