How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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