shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
