The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
