Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
