Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
