you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
