I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
