Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
