I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
