My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
