Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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