dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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