he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
