Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
