C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
