Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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