In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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