All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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