Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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