So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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