I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
