Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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