Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
