either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
