Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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