i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
