I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
