Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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