I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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