Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
