I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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