why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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