is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
