I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
