U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
