I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
