Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
