I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
