I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
