told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
