You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
