He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
