my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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