this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
