Yo dont text me then not text me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
