My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
