I accidentally had phone sex last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
