I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
