Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm always down for nudity.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
